So I woke up at 2 am this morning and started almost panicking. Two weeks. We have two weeks left until the wedding. I have nothing left to do. Well, that's a lie. The lady at The Village Bakery is supposed to call me back tomorrow so I can order my cakes from her (because I'm doing assorted pies and cakes rather than a tiered cake). Other than that, transportation is arranged, a tent has been reserved in the event of rain, etc, etc, etc. Everything is done. And I have two weeks to do nothing but think about 115 people staring at me.

At my seventh birthday, my grandmother brought out the cake for everyone to sing Happy Birthday to me at the largest party I'd ever had; the whole grade was invited.  Up until this point I'd been fine, but when all eyes were officially on me, I panicked. Ran from the living room to the back of the house and hid in my room bawling.  I couldn't handle it.  So all of a sudden I'm terrified.  I have Xanax left over from the past few months, plus two more prescriptions for it on hold - I'm covered in that department. However, I don't want to be so out of it that day that I don't remember it! And then I thought of Ginny Baker in Sixteen Candles after she took her muscle relaxers. I started laughing out loud in bed, and all of a sudden everything was better? (I had also woken Clay up at 2:40 am to make him promise me the the would hold my hand. Duh.)

So far all of the showers have been fine, and I'm guessing that the rehearsal dinner (with both of our families it's about half the size of the wedding, yikes!) will be a good warm-up before the actual day.  But Lord, Lord, I am not looking forward to 230 eyeballs pointed in my direction, and having a week and a half (okay, I guess that makes it better) to sit in Columbia and do nothing does not help my anxiety! (Clay's required to be at school through June 5, and we're leaving the next day for Charleston). I have decided to take myself to the Nickelodeon tomorrow to see The Most Exotic Marigold Hotel (because I love Maggie Smith), and then may make some zucchini muffins (made with no refined sugar!).  I don't know who is going to eat all 12 muffins, but I sure as hell need to find something to do to keep myself busy, so if you're hungry for a zucchini muffin tomorrow afternoon or Saturday morning, let me know and we'll arrange something...