Behind Enemy Lines - my observations thus far at USC.

Just to get things clear from the get-go, when doing our introductions in pairs, my partner announced to the whole class of Foreign Language and Comp Lit MA's, MAT's, PhD's that I hate the Gamecocks. So. That has been settled.

A very proud moment for a Tiger on Gamecock territory was during Classic Theory when someone was discussing grad student tickets for football games. I impulsively (I am very impulsive on the first day of class) of course blurt out "South Carolina football sucks anyway." But here is the golden moment: he agrees with me. Since they didn't know I went to Clemson, they didn't know those were fighting words. Until they realized it. And then they told me they

sounded like... fighting words. Anyway, no one ever bothered to disagree with me that USC football sucks. They're going down this year!!! In addition, one of the characters in my program (and we mostly all are pretty unique) asks me if I can keep a secret. I'm sure he suspected I couldn't keep a secret, but I really can. Except I'm writing it on the internet. Anyway, he passes his watch down and it turns out it has Clemson University on the face. Beautiful.

He is the first person who commented on my exuberance. I wish I could be quiet and fade into the background on the first day of class, but it just doesn't happen. The first day of school is just pure joy to me.

So I gathered what I could about USuCk, obviously comparing it to Clemson all day long. These are my assessments:

Cons:

1. Their bus system is so stinkin' old. At Clemson, the CAT bus always brought me joy: you knew which driver was going to play a certain kind of music, the black lights glowing at night turned it into a moving club, and you grew close to the drivers who became like your other grandfather. So delightful. At USC, the buses are old school buses with only a row of seats on either side. The seats are vinyl, so everyone's sweat gathers on them. Vomit. They are dark and

creepy. The bus I need to get to where I park stops at 5:30pm. I get out of class at 8pm. Definite Con.

2. You thought parking was tough at Clemson? It's a nightmare at USC. Clearly, they want you to pay the $320 to park in a garage. No thank you. So I have to fight to find a spot with the undergrads. I live 2.5 miles away from school and I have to leave 45 minutes before class starts. How convenient.

3. Their technology is not up to par. Of course, Clemson is on the list of the best supercomputing schools in the world, so USC is at a major disadvantage. They have wi-fi in some areas, but not in classrooms. I asked if they had scan to email on their copiers at the library and the librarian said "we just supposedly got one of those for ourselves in circulation,

but I don't know that that even works!" Fantastic. Not to mention their website is horrific.

4. They have to look in your bag when you leave the library. Okay, that's not an entire con, BUT, why do they look in your bag when you're LEAVING? If they have a scanner, it would catch people who were stealing books on the way out. But... what are they looking for in our bags? I think guns are more dangerous upon entering than exiting. I prefer gunmen to LEAVE buildings rather than ENTER them.

5. There is no library bridge. I don't care if they have a bridge that crosses a road. It's not as long and there are no ridiculous solicitors. I miss that. The campus is kind of awkward, since it's built into a city, so campus doesn't neatly lay on either side of the library. I had to hope I was going in the right direction since it is like a sea of buildings. The visibility at Clemson was something I apparently took for granted. The architecture of their buildings is also lacking.

They have a few decent buildings, but nothing really iconic as the bell tower of Tillman or the welcoming columns of Sikes. The cool buildings they do have are tucked away, anyhow. And speaking of the bell tower, I for certain haven't heard any cool songs coming out of any bell towers lately.

6. USC students are apparently lazy. No really. In the humanities building (all 4 of my classes alternate between only two classrooms in this building) everyone piles into the elevators and causes mass chaos at class change over time. Some of us non-lazy people take the stairs. At Clemson, taking the elevator was weird. No one took the elevator. Anywhere. Not in the library, not in Daniel. They take elevators frequently in all the buildings.

7. There are no squirrels. Some may see this as a con. I loved the Clemson squirrels; they provided me with much joy. I saw a squirrel on campus the other day and then realized that it was a rare sighting.

8. I think Clemson students have way more school spirit. Gamecock fans may be loud and bawdy, but I mean spirit. I can tell you right now that there is something moving and spiritual about Clemson. I realized today that I think it has a lot to do with the land. Sure, you can like Columbia as a metropolitan area. I just don't think that there is the same almost -mystic- atmosphere here. They love being Gamecocks and all, but I haven't even seen one person wearing a Carolina ring. I don't even know what they look like. And I'm for serious on the search for them. Wait I'll google right now.

Nope. Definitely haven't seen even one of those. I have, however, seen several Clemson rings. Every single one of my classes has at least one (if not two) other Clemson grads. The guy who doesn't wear his ring wears a Clemson watch (and he's like 50). See what I mean? There is this ineffable bond between Clemson grads. They weren't kidding about there being something in the hills. I cry when I hear the Alma Mater. Just sayin. I also got teared up when I thought about my old professors today, Moni in particular. Moni would be my undergrad advisor, professor, study abroad coordinator, and all around mother figure at Clemson. It's really hard for me at this point to imagine being as close to the professors I have here as the professors I had at Clemson. (This is especially because of my class sizes. Funny enough, all of my grad classes have 13 people or more. 3 out of 4 are bigger than any classes I've had at Clemson in my last two years. Thanks, budget crisis.)

9. While we're on the subject - all of my classes are ginormous. I have a 700 level class (that's MA and PhD level) that has about 30 people in it. At the least.

PROS

I did have them.

1. Their health center is super nice. They have Fox News playing on the tv in the waiting room. I plan on visiting in between classes to watch tv. However, I can't figure out why they have so many people on staff in their Sexual Abuse and Violence Prevention center, though. Is rape a big problem here? Strange.

2. They are recycle happy. I'm down with that. I like to recycle. They have tons of recycle bins all over the campus. That's legit.

3. They have hot water in all the bathrooms and hand sanitizer all throughout the Russell House (equivalent to our Hendrix). I like their fight on germs. Particularly considering the Swine Flu.

4. Library Carrels. Ya'll, I am ridiculously excited about this, although it only applies to grad students and staff. I was issued a key, which opens a door on the third floor of the library. Inside the door is a hall of private desks, whose doors you also must open with a key. I have my own little desk in the library, with a door, and it is assigned to me for the whole semester. There are some people who have decked out their carrels, brought lamps and decorations in. I don't know that I'll go that far. But I have plans to (and have so far this week) pack a lunch Mondays and Wednesdays and spend then in my carrel doing work.

In general, I like my classes and my professors. My professors are all pretty quirky - strange even.

One has hair that is about three feet wide. I do not exaggerate. I couldn't hear what she was saying for the first hour (although she did repeat just one thing for the whole hour, apparently) because I was just thinking about her hair. There is no way she brushes it. I wonder what it is like washing hair like that? Is there some kind of way to tackle it? Tame it? I can't imagine that she is not aware that her hair is a distraction. I think she's actually doing us a disservice by not taming it.

Another is more normal, but at the mention of existentialism (for my personal clarification - "so, would this movement include things like say, existentialism?") she goes on for 15 minutes explaining existentialism and then its existence later on in literature. It was really just a yes or no question. We didn't go over any of the reading we did for class due to she is insane in the tangent department.

The third is the funniest, but man is he scattered. He has this chronic problem of not being able to complete a sentence. Really. He doesn't ever complete any sentences. Class consisted of him pointing at one of the 15 flailing hands in the room, attached to squirming bodies bursting with thoughts and ideas and things-to-say. I have never witnessed anything like it. It's like all of those kids, the ones who always talk in class, were all condensed into one class. It is mass chaos.

Number four is the most of a mom-like figure. She kind of provides some normalcy. I like her.

Tomorrow is a carrel day. I'll be reading some Plato and eating my PB&J (that I already packed tonight :) ) on the 3rd floor of the library, which is also named Cooper. But it's Thomas, not Robert Muldrow Cooper. Robert Muldrow is obviously cooler, because he throws up the Westside in his portrait. And his reflection pond has a much more interesting shape.

Thomas Cooper Library. Rectangular reflection pond, weaksauce fountains.

I'm sorry this isn't bigger. Robert Muldrow Cooper Library. A more naturally shaped reflection pond, ballin fountains.

What beauty and splendor! The iconic library bridge that joins East and West campus. The front patio that extends over the water, now joined by blossoming trees in the center of the square benches. The juxtaposition of the classic, geometrical lines in contrast with the soft, curving lines of the pond and the sway of the Bradford pears inside their squares is awe-inspiring. Hahahahaha. No, but really, I love it. Good times have been had inside of Cooper :)